The Long Fall: Just Laugh
by Momma Lici
Summary: When you sometimes think you have nothing really left, you find a whole bunch of new reasons to be alive, if not happy. Then you find someone you can talk to... Who understands... Who makes you wake up smiling even when they're gone...
1. Chapter 1

If it hadn't been for that pure blind _faith_ , you suspect you would be gone, dead, or lost.

If it hadn't been for the kindness, rough and burnt on the edges as it was, you would have fallen.

If it hadn't been for the sheer comfort that came from having someone similar, like you, you might have never given yourself a chance.

You were a weapon...

He supplied them thoughtlessly once...

You felt rage...

He did too. And sorrow, and sickness of a ravaged body...

True, unending, unkind, vomit inducing _fear_...

...of the self.

So many "If"-s and "Sholda", "Coulda", "Woulda", and "Maybe"-s that you can't even calculate without breaking out in a sweat...But he, the narcissistic playboy dick was able to relate. Closely and in depth. Almost creepily so if it had not been that he had earned every mental and emotional scar and wore them like badges of hidden honor.

But...

You had something to calm you, if only marginally.

Pure. Blind. Faith.

You're not sure, but as you sit here, talking, laughing, _loving_ this man silently, you think that, maybe, you can convince him one day to be more than friends. Maybe.

You hope so.

Even so, even now, you wake to the mornings looking forward to the hours in his presence, of hearing his scathing and witticisms on everything, and learning things that make your heart stutter almost as much as when he touches your hand, leans against your back, pats your shoulder...

Please, please, _please_ let this not be a dream.

Let this be real.

And, right now, as you let him lean against your chuckling, laughing, gasping from happiness and pure joy, it is as real as it needs to be.


	2. Chapter 2

Pepper had caught you.

You hadn't been doing anything bad or wrong, no. At least, you didn't think you had.

Just...You had been staring at Tony, at his laughing, happy, handsome face. Just, ya know, taking him _in_ and allowing that feeling to wallow in the warmth that had been almost-but-not burning in your chest. You had sighed and allowed him to sooth your anger, your need for wanton destruction with the dancing cadence of his warm, whiskey shot voice. Had sat still and allowed him to go on and on about things that fly even over your head as you leaned into your palm with your cheek and inhaled his scent of sweat and oil and grease and the ozone of electronics.

And the ginger had only smiled sweetly, sadly at him.

Yeah, she understood.


	3. Chapter 3

The first time it happens, it is with a sad, weary, needy man who crawls into your bed and tries to crawl under you, use you like a security blanket. Tries to wrap his arms around your neck and hide his face in your shoulder.

You had never been cuddled, not before and most definitely not after. It was like some unspoken, unwritten, but clearly stated taboo.

 _Then_ there is...Tony.

His distraught need to be _needed_ , to be wanted for _something_ not related to the wars of the world or money or work or for being a hero when he clearly states that he is not a hero, but a reasonable person with an idea that doing _that specific heroic thing_ will help him out as much as you, is tangible. And messy and wet and noisy as he cries and hiccups in the darkness of your room at 3 AM, huddled in your bed for comfort.

His first kiss is a simple peck to your cheek in gratitude and thanks and a million other unsaid things. Your first kiss is a lot more. It is need and want and _please stay so I can love you right now, forever, however long you will let me_ and that crush you though you had is a lot more than you had figured because you really mean that unspoken wish, that begging. He is wary, and you understand. You have this under control as long as he lets it be simple and slow and sweet instead of hard and fast and hot all over.

Of course, you get the signals mixed.

He isn't worried about the Big Guy, nothing to make him really afraid of Hulk. How, you're not sure, but forget it the moment he latches on to you lip and sucks on it, fiery tingles racing down your spine before he settles on kissing you while a hand sneaks down to grab your already hot body.

The next few hours are a blur as you lean over him, demanding of him until he has nothing left and then some. He is exhausted and clinging to you feebly when you finally tire enough to lay beside him, tucking him tenderly under your chin. When he starts to chuckle and then laugh, you feel accomplished. Even if you feel the tiniest bit guilty for doing this behind Pepper's back. Of course, as if summoning the thought, Tony finally gives in to why he had been crying. Pepper had finally sat him down, outlined what she wanted in life, and said under no uncertain terms was she willing to give that up. Tony had said exactly what he wanted in life, was happy with how it was, and had not been ready for Pepper's future plans though he might be one day. _Might be one day._ Those words had cinched it for the ginger and she had said a tearful, sobbing, final good bye to the relationship.

Tony was only sad that a truly good friend and potential love-interest-forever had found him not just lacking, but completely obsolete to her life plans.

You understand.

So you hold him then, hold him close and warm and with all the patience dealing with foreign sick patients and SHIELD afforded to you.

And, when you two finally wake in the late evening, he kisses you, cuddles you, and nothing is going back...

And, perhaps, definitely, it is okay this once.


	4. Chapter 4

There was some final, wonderful, things unsaid before you both went on about your lives, co-existing and taking comfort in just the presence of one another for a while. No one even said anything, certainly not Pepper that was giving Tony mildly worried, exasperated looks as he went on with his day-to-day life. Living almost softly for a very short time.

Then there was a call to action, the Avengers assembling once again to force out a threat beyond military abilities. Thor split the earth as he was flung again to Midgard, Clint and Natasha appearing like wraiths from the darkness at your back, your leader Captain America standing tall before you, willing to lead this rag-tag band of misfits into another battle because you need him - not because he wants to fight, but because you have no one else and he is willing to fill that gap.

It is comforting that he is willing.

Is it more so that Tony is at your side, hand on your shoulder, calm in the energy storm that is your team.

And during the battle against, of all things, giant robots, you realize just how deeply Tony is now in your very psyche. That, when he goes down, everything go red and green and white hot.

It is an eternity before you come back, heaving breaths that shake your ribs and thump your heart hard against them. You shake with adrenaline and anger and fear and exhaustion that slowly melts away when ozone and grease and the scent pure TONY tingles your senses. And, when you look down, down to see that uncovered, happy, soot-stained face, you smile wearily, delirious over the fact that you had been guarding your lover and friend and something infinitely deeper, better, sweeter than any word can account for. And blush. You are nude again, Tony not having time to finish his stretch formula, not that he's complaining.

You wonder if your face will permanently be smiling and blush red from now on where he's concerned.

You decide you don't mind that either.


End file.
